Iris Eben

You Know You have No Ass When…

You Know You have No Ass When…

I’m black with no booty.

According to my mom, it will take 3 kids, another decade, and consuming a megaton of plantains and beans for me to get her awe worthy back end.

For all my fellow small booty chicks, this is for you…

Your skirt rides up your back because you don’t have enough booty fat to hold the skirt snugly in place

Tights don’t look good on you

White guys holler at ya

You only have to rub the glory hole once after you take a dump

Your nickname is “bonecrusher” because when you sit on someone’s lap it hurts you and the victim

Your ass is blue after a cold day

There are no vibrations, trumpet or zipper sounds when you fart

You are mistaken for a butch from the back

You have to poke two new holes in your belt

Your starch-stiff pants look like granny’s drawstring bottoms from tightening up that belt

There is a special fit of pants made just for you-

“the diaper fit”

Men get quiet when when you walk away

 

 

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